For our birthing class, we’re now three classes down and three to go. We wince often, crack jokes, and are probably pretty annoying. Amy, who has a decade of nursing experience and for the last eighteen months has been practicing as a Nurse Practitioner in Women’s Health, has problems with some of the medical half-truths she perceives in these classes; I, being a writer and educator, tend to have problems along the lines of rhetoric, language, and pedagogical practices. Happily, the arenas of our dissatisfaction found a perfect union in last night’s class.

Q: When is an epidural 100% safe, effective, with no detrimental side effects?
A: When an anesthesiologist is presenting information to a birthing class.

The presentation lasted about an hour and featured a number of jaw-droppers. “There are virtually no negative side-effects” would be one, and “Practically everybody gets an epidural nowadays” would be another. Of course, these statements completely contradict other information that leaks out over the course of the presentation.

For instance, that first statement was eventually qualified to “If you had one hundred physicians in the room, you’d have a 50-50 split between those that believe epidurals have negative side effects and those that don’t.” Okay, wait a minute, stop. That’s fifty physicians—affectionately known as half—who would say that there are negative side effects. And as Amy whispered to me, how many of the other fifty do you think are anesthesiologists?

And then that second statement that everybody gets an epidural nowadays? Yeah, well it turns out in this hospital the number is actually 51.5%. Again, that number is pretty close to, oh, I don’t know…half! Another way of presenting this information might go something like this: 50% of physicians recognize that there are some negative side effects to epidurals and about half of the women deliver without pharmaceutical pain relief. It’s all in the way you present the information…

In fairness, most women in the class seemed to be predisposed against epidurals in favor of a natural birth, and the instructor has been stressing that having an epidural or C-section should not be seen as a failure, as you have to go with the flow and do whatever is best for the mom and baby. Hear hear to that, but having an anesthesiologist presenting this information is like having a car salesman presenting on the best means of personal transportation.

What capped the presentation for me was his statement that pain doesn’t need to be part of the experience. While that’s a (highly) debatable point in itself, I nearly fell off my chair when he said he’d heard a story about American Indian tribal practices (I noted he really stressed the American part since he was Indian and trained in England) where they would put the father in a tree above the mother while she was in labor. They tied a rope to his scrotum and whenever she had labor pains, she would pull on the rope so the husband could share in the pain. Cue laughter and the admission that he didn’t really know if it was true or not, but hey, who cares? It proves a point! We’re beyond that kind of barbarism, aren’t we? But those primitive, goofy bastards are always good for a laugh…

Despite watching him shred his credibility for an hour, the message stuck with me. Amy leaned over and complained that the baby was in an uncomfortable position and it hurt her back every time he moved. I told her she should get an epidural.

Current Mood: Hoping Classes Get Better Down the Stretch |