Much-belated posting of the last limericks of the 2010 World Cup. All apologies to the authors!

“PAUL THE OCTOPUS, VERSION 1″ by Troy Hergenrader
The psychic who swims with the sharks
Finished seven for seven on marks
If the atmosphere suits him
Let’s hope ESPN recruits him
As a replacement for Lalas and Harkes

“PAUL THE OCTOPUS, VERSION 2″ by Troy Hergenrader
This salt water psychic’s sharp mind
Went seven for seven – wunderkind!
He attended no college
Still has more soccer knowledge
Than Lalas and Harkesy combined

“WC 2010 RETROSPECT” by Troy Hergenrader
Though some viewed their play as a drag
The trophy the Spanish did snag
The Dutch ended hacking
And the Germans sent packing
Maradona is still a douche bag

“STATISTICAL ANOMALY” by Dr. Goose
An astute statistician from Grantham
Electrified footballing fandom,
When he published a shocker
That the points scored in soccer
Were so low that the outcomes were random.

“NO GUTS, NO GLORY” by Paul Thompson
Al fin no estuvo el “beautiful game,” (In the end it was not a)
Instead Dutchmen again ashamed,
But pain they did inflict,
Alonso’s ribs so well-kicked,
De Jong like the rest playing without aim.

“GOOD LUCK IN THE USA” by Paul Thompson
I wonder if a new era we’ve found,
Where the scoring need not abound,
Simply bunch up the back,
Wait for a counterattack,
That’s how our new champ was crowned.

“RADIO NOWHERE” by Paul Thompson
The folks that are heading up Sirius,
With an attitude oh so imperious,
On 214 the matches they are,
Too high a channel for my rental car,
Other drivers must have thought me delirious.

“NUMBER ONE LOCKSMITH” by Paul Thompson
In the aging Diego Forlan I believe,
Unveiling top world talent from his sleeve.
While Kaka and Messi backpedaled,
Uruguay almost medaled,
Perhaps our last chance to see that great weave.

“AND HIS FIRST NAME IS ‘NIGEL?’” by Paul Thompson
What kind of a Dutch name is de Jong?
Seems better suited in Hong Kong.
For the Chinese he could play,
“A new great wall” they would say.
And probably improve his ping pong.

“THE DARK ART” by Trent Hergenrader
Hitman DeJong and his crew
Kicked the Spaniards all black and blue
He gave Alonso angina
So now f— off to China
And master the art of Kung Fu

“A SPANISH DEFENSE” by Trent Hergenrader
“Spain scores not enough goals,”
Mutter the cretins, the vapid, the trolls
Forgetting that teams gladly sat back
To wait for counter attacks
Rather than get smashed by 6 like the Poles

Spain totally and unreservedly deserved to win the World Cup
If there’s one thing that had really gotten on my nerves the past couple weeks are the moaners complaining that Spain is boring because they don’t score lots of goals and that they wished Germany had gone through instead because they were the better team. Which is utter nonsense. I think what these critics are failing to appreciate is 1) just how difficult it is to play like Spain, and 2) just how easy the Spanish players make it look. There were two moments I would refer to, one in the semifinal and one in the final: for a fleeting moment both Germany and Holland attempted to play the much-maligned “tippy-tap” soccer between defense and midfield as they advanced over the halfway line; in both cases, the ball picked up speed after about the third pass and it became impossible for the players to control, leading to a dangerous Spanish break the other way.

For anyone who has been watching, it should be pretty clear that the Spanish mentality is not to do nothing with the ball, but rather only to risk giving the ball away in safe areas of the pitch and when a goalscoring chance is on. What makes them special is that they maintain possession when, by all rights, they should be turning it over. Xavi and Iniesta both spin away from pressure and open up the other side of the field. The team, especially the defenders, are always moving to give the talented midfielders options. Spain’s back four are probably more skilled than the midfield unit of most World Cup squads, and they tend to play it out of the back rather than lumping it up the field. Against Germany, Sergio Ramos, the Spanish right back, camped out on the corner of the German penalty area and the central defenders Puyol and Pique spent more time in the center circle than in their own box. Yes, Spain retains possession and strokes it around waiting for an opportunity to come open, but the difference between them and boring teams, I humbly submit, is that they do about 85% of it in their opponent’s half. This is not as simple as it looks, or everyone would be doing it.

Spain is guilty of one crime: poor finishing
Spain racked up too many 1-0 victories but, again, it’s way too simple to conclude that they play a defensive and boring brand of football. It’s worth noting that this World Cup-winning squad effectively played without Fernando Torres, even though he started most of the games. He looked leggy and his touch was awful. Perhaps you can criticize Del Bosque for putting him in there, but it seems fairly obvious he was hoping el niño would play himself into form, even though that never happened. You have to remember though that Torres is Spain’s first-choice striker to be the physical presence to intimidate defenders and win headers in the box. You can blame Del Bosque for not choosing their second big man, Llorente, and instead put in the small and quick (like the rest of the squad) Pedro. But you can’t blame him too much, because Spain dominated every game and won the World Cup, so his strategy worked.

I also can’t defend Spain’s penchant for trying to walk the ball into the net. All throughout the tournament, Iniesta was guilty of trying to find a pass rather than shooting when a lane opened up, so it’s a bit ironic that he smacked in the winner. Today he twice had the opportunity to hit left-footed shots from good positions but chose instead to try and cut back to his right, and both times he lost the ball. To me he never looked 100% fit and I wonder if that played on his mind. Still, I would have appreciated more shots from around the box by Xavi, who has his chances too.

I think people who say Holland should have won the match due to their better chances should take off their oranje glasses
Yes, Robben was stuffed on two clear breakaways that would have changed the game. But from where I was sitting, Ramos missed a wide-open header in the opening minutes and Fabregas missed his wide-open chance as well. Scratch those out and Holland didn’t offer much else, whereas Iniesta had two other good looks before his goal and Navas came extremely close to scoring off a deflection. It was a tight, tight game and it easily could have gone 1-0 the other way. But from about the 75th minute through the extra time, there was only going to be one winner.

Teams adopt certain styles in order to win; you have to credit Spain for forcing every team to play defensively
Let’s be clear: Germany scored 4 goals against England and Argentina because those two teams believed that they could win the game by attacking the heart of the German defense. They pressed forward and Germany sprung a lethal counter. In this tournament Germany won by absorbing pressure and breaking fast on the counter attack. They benefited from early goals against Australia, England, and Argentina and went on to cruise. They struggled in the game against Ghana when they did not score early, and obviously lost to Serbia when they didn’t score at all. Based on the Serbia and Ghana games, England and Argentina believed they could get at Germany. And obviously they were wrong.

Let’s be clear about this too: no one took the game to Spain. If you followed any of Spain’s friendlies or qualifiers, Spain pasted teams that had the gall to actually try and play an open game. Apparently Xavi Hernandez recently said the same thing in a pre-final interview. Rather than going out to play their individual brands of soccer (regardless of what that might be), teams set up to try and nullify Spain instead. This is a perfectly fair thing to do, too. It just doesn’t allow for the expansive football that fans like to see. Again, I would humbly suggest this isn’t Spain’s fault and for them to alter their tippy-tap, possession heavy football would give them less of a chance to win. So why would they do it? They’d didn’t and, oh yeah, the won the World Cup without ever really hitting top form.

Lots more. Lots more but this post is already a couple days late. More later.

Woof. Some truly vulgar ones here. I’ve masked the dirty bits for the gentle reader.

“GOOD RIDDANCE” by Troy Hergenrader
With the own goal the fire was lit
And then Sneijder wrote the obit
So the orange bug bit you
Don’t let the door hit you
By the way, the word Kaka means ‘sh*t’

“EUROLLING ALONG” by Paul Thompson
This PM we’ve two fine nominees,
Having made solid defenses swiss cheese.
La Furia Roja I like,
Not the Muller-less Fourth Reich,
I just wish it weren’t still the semis.

“SAVING GRACE” by Paul Thompson
Suarez’ hand certainly saved the match,
Just before Gyan caught his foot in the thatch.
And like some awful prank,
Off the bar it did clank,
And the last African team was dispatched.

“THE END OF THE ROAD” by Paul Thompson
Poetic participants oh so seduced,
Many limericks the group stage produced,
Enter the knockout round,
The rhymes suddenly not found,
Baldgrenader left to rule his own roost.

“THE NEW BOERDOM” by Paul Thompson
The Dutch seeds in this land are well sown,
Melo’s stomp causing more than Robben to groan.
Then to to Cape Town,
The Boers old stomping ground,
Where the only balls Suarez was handling were his own

“IN VITRO CAN BE MESSI” by Eric Doe
There was a fine Argentina guy
Whose mom’s c— dribbled c** down her thighs
To conceive the young pup
Dad finished off in a cup
A stunt the son didn’t reprise

“NOT EVEN A LIMERICK” by Jeff Magee
F— Spain, F— Spain,
Ask me again and I’ll tell you same
C***suckers one and all
All day long holding the ball
F— Spain, F— Spain

“SOCCER + TECHNOLOGY” by Troy Hergenrader
No computer chips planted in balls
Or slow mo recording it all
What we need are robots
Programmed to kick twats
Of the line judges missing the calls

“WORTH THEIR WEIGHT” by Paul Thompson
Sayonara to the Nippon Daihyo,
Thanks to the foot of Komano,
No quarterfinal debut,
for the Samurai Blue,
Shielded by bulletproof cans of Sapporo.

“BLACK STARS, NO STRIPES” by Paul Thompson
Thanks so much to the Ghanian people,
For producing a team that’s not feeble,
Beating American again,
Making sure the “World” Cup remains,
More than the best of Europe v. CONMEBOL.

“SADO-MASOCHISTIC FUN” by Trent Hergenrader
Losing to Deutchland’s a sin
For the English who were praying to win
But four goals they shipped
Their side was well-whipped
Just like those sex clubs in Berlin

“HOMEWARD BOUND” by Trent Hergenrader
First to go out were the French frogs
Next were the Ivorians plus Drog
Then the US dropped out
Not much to cry about
When your defenders are all sucking the hog

“US MANAGEMENT CONUNDRUM” by Trent Hergenrader
Bob Bradley’s management staff
Saw the D make gaffe after gaffe
From the sidelines they’d shout
But could not figure out
How to get them to play the first half

“ITALIAN FACIAL” by Trent Hergenrader
Azzuri critics were all lurkin’
Through two rounds the team was not workin’
Now they’re total disgraces
Wearing not egg on their faces
But rather Slovakian merkins

So the US got knocked out of the competition by a decent Ghana side today, 2-1 in extra time. Truthfully, I wasn’t that upset because I felt that this team achieved the place it more or less deserved. There’s no shame in topping in your group and going out in the Round of 16 to a good team in extra time. Here are my other observations:

The problem starts in defense
Putting the recent bout of journalistic jingoism aside, if you talked with people who follow the USMNT regularly, you’d have heard them say that this team looked extremely suspect in the back, especially with the central defenders. Jay DeMerit is decent but he’s not world class, Onyewu has generally been pretty bad (if you don’t believe me, search this blog for “Onyewu” and see how many stellar reports you find), and Bocanegra has always been a little clumsy, a little spacey, and a little accident prone. Most teams can’t boast four great defenders, but usually means there’s one suspect unit. For the US, only Cherundolo really stood out, although the much-maligned Bornstein (by me and others) did well in the games he played.

The problem continues in attack
Putting the recent bout of journalistic jingoism aside, Jozy Altidore is a very limited striker. Basically he’s good at backing into defenders. He likes to charge into two and three defenders to bulldoze his way through, and I sensed that the defenders thought that was fine since he lost the ball 90% of the time. If he had time to pick his head up, it generally meant the US lost the ball shortly thereafter either through a bad pass or a bad decision to dribble. The bigger problem is he lacked a quality partner. The World Cup proved too big an occasion for Findley and Gomez, both of whom seemed to be okay until events required them to make a decisive decision; repeatedly, both of them squandered those few opportunities. Oh to have Brian McBride back, a striker who could hold up play well, bring the midfield into the attack, and always seemed to be in the right place at the right time.

The midfield was quite strong… mostly
Putting the recent bout of journalistic jingoism aside, you have to say that Donovan, Dempsey, and Michael Bradley all deserved the accolades they received because they were damn good. The problem was finding the last piece of the puzzle, something Bob Bradley simply could not do to start the game. He trotted out Clark, Torres, Edu, and Feilhaber in various rotations, but the midfield never started to click in the first half. Never. Clark, to put it nicely, was a disaster for every minute he was on the pitch. Torres looked overwhelmed, while Edu and Feilhaber seemed to gel better with the rest of the crew. It’s too bad, because in the second half of the Slovenia and Ghana games, this team looked stellar.

The coaching staff didn’t solve the problems it needed to
Putting the recent bout of journalistic jingoism aside, you’d have to say that Bob Bradley deserves equal amounts of criticism and praise (and in that order). The fact that the team started slowly and were outplayed in the first half in four out of four matches is an indictment of his starting lineups; the second-half inspired play demonstrated that he could figure out how to fix the problem and made the appropriate subs. The problem? You don’t often get 45 minutes to figure out the right combination. Worse, the team let in early goals in all their games except against Algeria, and in that one their striker rattled the crossbar in the seventh minute. Is this a selection, tactics, or motivational problem? Probably some combination, but all of those are Bradley’s responsibility. Come backs are great when they come off, but the real trick is not going down a goal to begin with.

I feel the 2002 and 2006 squads were much stronger than this one
Putting the recent bout of journalistic jingoism aside, I shake my head when people new to the game make statements that this World Cup shows progress for the US. No, it doesn’t. As stated above, they have real problems in defense and attack. If Donovan, Dempsey, or Michael Bradley had been out for a single game, I think the change in the team would be dramatic. Perhaps the worst indictment of the state of US soccer is the lack of depth in the squad. One of the reasons I think Bob Bradley deserves praise is because he’s dealing with a shallow talent pool. We have very few players who can fill multiple roles, which means you need to go to the subs bench in order to change tactics. Going to the bench in the 30th minute to take off the overwhelmed Clark also meant that the US couldn’t inject fresh legs into the extra time periods, when clearly players were gassed. When the starting lineup was announced, I kept examining it to see how the US planned on covering up their own deficiencies rather than how to exploit weaknesses in the opposition. The one experiment of deploying Torres against Slovenia failed, and frankly, Bob didn’t have a whole host of other options. I wish Stu Holden would have gotten in, but I’d bet the house that he’s not fit yet. And I don’t think selecting this-or-that journeyman MLSer instead would have made a bit of difference.

It’s not time to rebuild, it’s time to augment
US Soccer has been its most potent when fresh young talent gets introduced to a squad full of older, wiser heads. It’s that whole blend of youth and experience cliche’. The 2002 squad featured guys like Reyna and McBride who had World Cup experience, but it was the up-and-coming Donovan and Beasley that set the tournament alight. My hope is that guys like Stuart Holden and some other youngsters can prove the spark for the soon-to-be old-timers like Donovan and Dempsey. And maybe, just maybe, fellas like Freddy Adu and Eddie Johnson can get back on track and fulfill their early potential. If that can happen, look out 2014…

“SCHWEIZER ZOLL (SWISS CUSTOMS)” by Todd Hergenrader
At the border, Swiss point you straight back
For those Balkan or Muslim or black
Need no help for the team
Unless your heritage’s pristine
Or if you’re solid in defense or attack

“NO PENETRATION ALLOWED” by Todd Hergenrader
Swiss defense knows a thing ‘bout clean slates
Down to 10, only bend with few breaks
But with birth rates declining
More than Spain and Chile are whining
Swiss guys can’t even score with their mates

“DEAR PORTUGAL… LOVE, SOUTH KOREA” by Todd Hergenrader
‘Here in Seoul, we acknowledge your gift
Left that Dear Leader shaking his fist
After two he was sore
Then you rammed in five more
Lisbon now tops the A**hole’s nuke list’

“CHANNEL 0-7” by Todd Hergenrader
So surprising, North Koreans’ lethargy
Blame the new Western training they see
Ten days young in the tourney
Wasting all of the journey
Watching late night uncensored TV

“The Lesson of Second Efforts -or- How Donovan Saved Us from Years of Bellyaching” by Skip Swenson
Robbed! Cheated! Conspiracy!
Cried crowds throughout local drinkeries
But a shot-block-goal! close
Quieted all whines and groans
The lesson: sloppy seconds crowd-please

“On the Road” by Skip Swenson
So Italy’s out of the dance
Love’s lost in the land of romance
Slovakia’s stop-o
Of the bombastic guappos
Sent them bumming a ride home with France

“OUR FINEST HOUR” by Paul Thompson
Some thought the yanks bags had been checked,
Onyewu’s confidence: completely wrecked.
We would not be embarrassed,
Apollo 13 and Ed Harris,
and his line “With all due respect…”

“OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN” by Paul Thompson
Oh the finalists from ’06 are gone,
Without so much as worldwide yawn,
Les Bleus in disarray,
Azzurri?…Now drab grey,
In hindsight probably should have withdrawn.

“KINGPIN NO MORE” by Paul Thompson
Ribery: “I’ll take one, no I’ll take deux”,
Toutes les femmes sont bienvenues!”, (“All women are welcome”…I hope!)
They’d look past the scar,
Of their football star,
Now he sits alone in his fav cabaret.

“COUNTRY STARS WITH NO CHOPS” by Nicholas Bratton
While packed into the stadium in Durban
I sat between a man in a turban
And a woman named Layla
Who could play vuvuzela
Way better than that wanker Keith Urban

First round is up and my bracket predicting is in tatters, precisely because a) I picked few upsets, b) I picked too many African teams to progress, and c) I picked the wrong upsets. No matter. Here are some final(ish) observations on the group stage:

The talent gap between historical powers and the up-and-comers closes when the World Cup is outside Europe
The first number below represents the number of teams qualified for the tournament, and the second number represents how many of those teams progressed to the knock-out stage.

Asia/Oceania: 5/2
Africa: 6/1
North/Central America: 3/2
South America: 5/5
Europe: 13/6

Let’s compare this to the other 32-team tournaments. At Germany 2006 and France 1998, 10 of the final 16 came from Europe; at Korea/Japan 2002, it was 8. It seems that when playing away from their home continent the mid-tier European teams tend to suffer. Every cycle, some yahoos complain that the World Cup should be about the best teams rather than featuring global representation, and this always comes from people who think those spots should go to whichever “big” European nations didn’t qualify—Russia and Sweden for this campaign, presumably. It would appear that eliminating the home field advantage goes a long way in leveling the playing field for emerging footballing nations, specifically Japan, South Korea and the US.

The cliche’ that “there are no easy international games” held true for this tournament
There was exactly one eye-popping scoreline, when Portugal pasted North Korea 7-0. However lopsided affairs are becoming less common in World Cups. I remember Germany punishing the Saudis by a similar scoreline in ’02, but who would have dreamed that New Zealand would emerge without a loss, and tiny Slovenia would push both England and the US to the final minute?

I wonder how much grueling European seasons has to do with the indifferent form of “big” nations
As much as I love my footie, I feel like there’s too much of it. Every European domestic league has a cup competition (or in England, two), plus bloated European tournaments that have group stages followed by knock-out rounds that stretch from August to May. Mixed in there are qualification tournaments for the European Championships, a tournament held two summers after each World Cup, just like the Copa America; the African Cup of Nations takes place every two years. Add this to things like the FIFA World Club Cup and preseason tours to Asia and the Americas for Europe’s big clubs, and it’s no wonder that players in this World Cup have either been easily injured or don’t look up to full speed. If there is an effect (and I think there is) then it also benefits the smaller nations; Italy and France both had squads chocked full with players at top clubs who were involved in multiple competitions for the year prior to the World Cup. While you could say the same for Argentina, Brazil, and Spain, I have to think that year-round competition does take some of the gloss off the World Cup for some players, and it’s understandable.

What the hell went wrong with the African teams?
Besides everything of course. African nations have long been known for their awful administration, factions within the teams, and a penchant for hiring foreign managers who don’t understand the nation’s footballing culture. It was hoped that having the tournament on their continent would help but, alas, that wasn’t the case. Nigeria, Cameroon, and the Ivory Coast all had enough talent to get out of the groups, yet none of them did. Had they played with the same spirit as South Africa and it might have been a different story. Of them all, I have to say the Sven-managed Ivory Coast were the most disappointing. Their tepid 0-0 draw with Portugal in the opener set the wrong tone entirely, and their loss to Brazil coupled with Portugal’s hammering of the Koreans meant their tournament was over as quickly as it had begun.

I wonder if teams will ditch the cautious approach in the first round of 2014?
Anemic starts in their opening matches sunk Italy, France, the Ivory Coast, and put others in dicey positions. Conventional wisdom says that you don’t want to lose your first game but all those first round draws set up explosive second and third round matches. I have to say today’s matches (Brazil vs Portugal & Ivory Coast vs North Korea, and Honduras vs Switzerland & Spain vs Chile) fizzled, especially in comparison to what came in the days prior. Brazil and Portugal seemed content to do nothing, and the last twenty minutes of Spain vs Chile was almost a farce as both were convinced they’d done enough to go through and actually playing more might jeopardize what they had. By the way, my answer to the rhetorical question above: no.

Spain doesn’t look like champions-elect
Compared to the way Spain can play, this lot is well off the pace. There were mere glimpses of what this team can do in both the Honduras and Chile matches, and I hope they can shake the nerves or the tension or whatever it is before the next round. It looks as though they have a fairly smooth road to the semis if they keep chugging along (first Portugal, then the winner of Japan/Paraguay) but they need to snap into form quickly. Only David Villa really looks into it, with Xavi and Iniesta taking turns looking good and bad. I don’t think Chile’s early fouling disrupted their passing game because it never looked like developing. If they can’t start calibrating their sharp passing game, they can win another awkward victory or two but that’s it. Eventually they’ll be found out. If they can get it together though, I think they can beat Brazil. If they’re only running at 80% though, I give them no chance.

With a concentrated effort and a stroke of luck or two, the US could be in the semis
Note: I’m not saying that the US will be in the semis, nor am I saying that they should be in the semis, rather that it’s reasonable to say that they could make a run. Should they beat Ghana, they get the winner of Uruguay and South Korea. All of these teams are around the same caliber as the US. None of them are cakewalks, especially not Ghana. But you have to believe that if the US gets better (and they can play better) then they have a reasonable shot at it, especially if the others go off the boil.

Having said that, this isn’t my favorite US team by a long shot
I hate to be anti-patriotic and all, and I desperately want this team to keep beating teams however they can to stay in the tournament, but this isn’t a great team. Take out Donovan, Dempsey, Bradley, or Howard and the quality dips alarmingly. They don’t have a competent striker to pair with the hot-and-cold Altidore. It was a major victory not to give up a goal in the first fifteen minutes against Algeria, a team who played three and scored none. Three of the four defenders are halfway decent, often pretty good. Bradley hasn’t gotten a midfield combination to play well together for more than 45 minutes at a time. Yes, the US came up big in the clutch to win the group, breaking all kinds of records for US Soccer, but let’s not forget that this was against two minnows and a very mediocre England team. Germany, Argentina, and the Netherlands would be out of sight in fifteen minutes on the US’ current form. While I’m elated with the coverage and interest in this US team, I’m not being swept away in the euphoria. For me, the US fulfilled the minimum for this tournament by getting out the group, and they needed the last kick of the ball. Just as it was a winnable group, the passage to the semis is likewise manageable. But only if they raise their level of play. Significantly.

More limericks on the way.

The dependable Ives Galarcep listed five things we learned from today’s epic win over Algeria. According to Ives, they are 5) Landon can deliver in the clutch, 4) Jozy Altidore isn’t a kid anymore, 3) Jonathan Bornstein can be a reliable starter, 2) Bob Bradley does know what he’s doing, and 1) the American fans can make a difference. Overall a competent list. I definitely agree with #5, I agree with #2 and #1 with some reservations, I have strong suspicions about #4, and I think #3 is jumping to conclusions. Here’s why:

Yes, Landon Donovan is big time.
He disappeared for long stretches today but has put the team on his back when it counted. Anyone else doubt he’ll be in MLS much longer?

Bob Bradley (kinda) knows what he’s doing. Kinda.
Yes, I screamed my throat raw in ’06 as Arena sat on his subs in the games against Italy and Ghana, and kudos to Bob for neither panicking by subbing too early nor keeping his powder dry until the fight was over, like Arena did. However. His starting line ups have been found wanting, especially in the match against Slovenia. Like his team, he doesn’t start well. Granted, a lot of this has to do with the players he has, and he’s handcuffed by their lack of skill. So I respect Bradley for making timely and effective substitutions, but let’s not go overboard here. The man pulled off defenders and put in attackers when it was a win-or-go-home situation. It’s not exactly rocket science.

Yes, the US has vocal traveling support, but if that’s the difference we’re counting on, we’re in trouble
There are many ways to look at this group stage. One would be to say the US was two minutes away from crashing out. Another way would be to say that they should have won the group comfortably with seven, even nine points had Altidore scored against England. Either way they won the group and that’s a fantastic achievement. But I’m telling you (and much of the world would probably agree) that this team is really not that great at the sport. They’re terrific athletes, they have huge hearts and unparalleled team spirit, and that goes a long way, but only Dempsey, Donovan, Bradley, and Howard really look the part. Yes, much of this team plays in Europe but for second-rate teams. I can’t see any seriously big clubs swooping for the rest of these guys. The passing isn’t crisp enough and they don’t look dangerous on the ball. We win games with athleticism and pace, not sublime bits of skill. Today was a phenomenal achievement but it won’t be replayed and admired around the world for its technical prowess.

Jozy Altidore’s bull-in-a-china-shop routine needs to be refined
I’m not sure Jozy is all grown up like Galarcep says. Several times he took the ball into stupid positions and lost possession and he’s missed more than one sitter this tournament. Yes, he’s only 20, but he’s still very raw. The fact that he failed at Hull—yes, relegated, goal-shy Hull—means I doubt suitors will be lining up at the door after the cup. We can’t forget that we’re talking about Algeria here. Altidore has his moments but they are too few and far between. Eddie Johnson was full of promise too…

Bornstein’s game was adequate but not spectacular and did not wipe my memory banks clean
The reason why they could hear a transatlantic groan in South Africa when the team sheet was announced is because Bornstein has had plenty of opportunities and has generally either 1) been competent, or 2) been a disaster. Today he did not bomb up and down the flank. He was not razor sharp with his passing. He made some good tackles but you can’t say that Algeria had world class wingers, and you can’t say that playing out wide was their strategy. Bornstein did nothing wrong and a lot right, but it’s sort of like crowing to the stars after someone passes their driver’s license test. Really, is the bar so low that we trumpet a competent performance?

Drawing Ghana was the next best thing after Australia
The US cannot beat big, burly European teams, full stop. Serbia would have crushed their bones and used them for soup stock. I thought Ghana would take the US apart back in ’06 but they proved to be quite tame. They looked pretty damn lively against Germany today, but in a way that the US can handle. It will be an open, even game, and the US even can go for revenge after getting screwed by Ghana in the last World Cup. They cannot underestimate the Black Stars though, because they’re fast and strong, but they have their technical deficiencies as well. We have a great chance to keep on chugging.

In short, ’twas an unbelievable win today. Ranks right there with the ’94 win over Colombia, the ’02 wins over Portugal and Mexico, and the ’95 Copa America run where they walloped Argetina’s B-side 3-0. It will live forever in my memory.

God, I love this game.